Wednesday, September 18, 2013

现在的我

我。。。又回来写写一下~
说说上段感情事下。。
3年的感情就这样在去年年尾结束了。。
那时自己好伤心,好心痛,迷失自己了,而且还要面对考试
连续自己在房间哭了几天,觉得好寂寞,顿时感觉好像失去了一个家人,因为那3年都有他陪我度过,依靠,疼爱,把他当爱人。。
可是,因为某些原因3年感情就此结束。
这次的分手对我打击很大,刚开始我真的无法接受,可是我知道分手后,什么事都要自己面对,而这也让我成长了。。
分手后,我也开始我的Internship,那时真的开始忙,也许那也是一件好事因为至少自己忙好让自己不需要像那么多。
那时自己什么都是自己面对,也让我明白自己想要的人生,自己以前一直以来想要完成的理想。 可是,那3年我把自己人生和理想抛到脑后简直就是忽略了。那时Internship时,自己竟然跑去看电影,感到真的很寂寞,那时心里很心痛怎么自己一个人看电影会发生在我身上。而且,那3个月我一直回忆和他去过的地方因为每去一个地方都会让我勾起与他在一起的日子。那时,真的很心痛又伤心。那时,我真的是每晚都emo的,真的讨厌每天过这样的日子,所以我鼓起勇气要放手让一切都给过去吧。
同时,另一个他又给于我安慰,那时我和他只是朋友,我也不想那么快进入一段感情。可是,有时感觉就是来得突然,开始产生微妙的感觉,慢慢的开始在意他。也许在别人眼中,怎么分手没多久,那么快又有新感情。我也不知道怎么解释,就好像我和前男友那样,我和他算是一见钟情吧。可是,这个他是我认识很久的朋友刚开始我也不能相信自己会对他有感觉。 
过后,发生了一件让我彻彻底底失望,伤心,fed up的事。那就是我竟然被前男友批评到一文不值。顿时,我感觉那3年的感情都输了那些话。感觉那3年做的一切都是他所说的,难道他没看出我对他是真心。那些话真的对我影响很大,那时我又要面对读书的压力,我简直就是心被伤透了。过后,仔细想想自己也许没像他付出那么多,又和别人聊天虽然都有坦白对他说,感觉自己真的不是个还女朋友。之后,想了想虽然什么事对他坦白,可是都没想想他的感受,那时就觉得也许他不会介意因为都对他坦白。也许,在一起久了就好像会忽略一些东西而且那时感觉我和他之间很像就因为没在一起读书后,就变得不一样了。过后也觉得他很自私,因为当我有假期时他都不给我回JB,对他对我好要我做工可是他不知道我是多么想家。记得他说我不成熟,还有说如果我回去那他怎么办,那如果我不回我家人怎么办?我也有迁就他,所以有做工一下。现在想回感觉我都迁就他可是他不了解我的感受。 就因为被批评后,觉得都不值得了,自己应该往前走去找自己的理想。那时另一个他就已经出现。 
之后前男友又找回我,说真的我不能接受回他,我不能把一切发生的当着没发生。对,他确实是很好,可是我的心因为那一切所发生的变得绝望了,我不能把那一切当着没发生。我知道你能给我幸福,可是我过不了自己那一关,而我也有了另一个他。当他找回我,想和我在一起回时,我真的讨厌他为什么当时他要放开我的手,记得分手后我不断问自己为什么我和他会分手,为什么?我自己问自己,真的心痛。可是,现在他要回我,我真的讨厌他为什么当时就那么轻易把我放开,而现在又要回我,为什么现在的他不能像当时那样。我真的不能接受他,而我希望现在的他会是当时分手那天的理直气壮地他,不是现在的他。
以前美好的回忆已经在分手和那件事过后没了,我决定继续走我的路,不想过伤心的日子所以我放下过去。
现在,我想要完成自己的理想,找寻我的幸福。现在的我?我觉得自己也变了, 我开始把家人放第一,以前我把前男友放第一结果受伤的是自己。家人永远是对自己最好的,那时分手的事家人也知道,就因为不想让他们担心所以自己告诉自己放下过去,往前走。而现在自己也会和家人讲一点心事,就因为这样他们给了我很大支持所以我不能让他们失望。 所以,我决定了读完书就回去JB,如果真的有什么事必不得已,我也许会在KL找工。可是现在我没这个打算。现在我要每天开心过日子,我不要回到过去的日子。
我也希望前男友可以走出过去的感情,希望他找到那位适合他的人生伴侣。我希望他变回以前那个他,对不起我伤害了你和我不能接受你。我知道也许我会错过你那么好条件的男生,可是我就是不能接受你,我也不知道怎么解释那种不能接受的感觉。
现在我想要看人生,打拼自己的理想,还有想守护另一个他。
我相信主会为我安排一切。

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Just let the past go away.

哇,我有一年没update blog了。过去的一年真的很忙啊,也没想到去update blog。而且过去的一年也发生了不好的回忆。那就是我分手啦。三年的感情就这样结束了,当时自己根本就不能接受这事实。 一时之间真的变得很lost,因为你是我这三年可以依赖的人把你当成自己人看待。可是, 分了过后自己一时失去了那依靠变得很无助。什么事都必须自己去面对,那时真的很怕。不过,这也让我拉近我很家人之间的感情,我还和我弟弟和妈妈说自己分手。同时,我在哭得情况下和妈妈说,是尴尬的说。我真的需要时间放下那回忆,因为我和他的回忆实在是太多了。同时,他也出现在。他的一句话让我真正放下那段失败的感情。 我也不知道我和他到底适不适合,总之,他闯进我的生活了。最近因为他自己变得很emo,都不知道他在想什么。算了,我一定要控制自己不要陷得太深不然自己又在受伤。不想再打下去了,改天再update。

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sem 7, Last Sem...!

WOW......I have been so long, almost 8 months not update my blog..
now my blog seem quiet & post not up to date....
Since the day before started my training I have not update my blog till now.
Really a long period ...actually I thought of sharing my training experience here but I think it will be too long for me to talk about. I think I should summarise my whole experience. I remembered the my first training department is FO where I really suffered at the beginning of first three weeks. For the first three week I really do nothing in the BC. I really felt so bored and lucky there have international News, CNN where I can watch it. Slowly, I started to ask anything that I don understand and after that I started enjoyed. My second department is housekeeping. OMG, at the beginning of first week it not so busy yet and still relax. But, started second week I seriously too busy and everyday when I woke up I don feel like want to work because everyday I repeat the same task which it is clean bathroom. From the day I in housekeeping dept, I realize that housekeeping staff was the most suffer and tough department. Every time peak season it will be a nightmare for the HK staff. I am just the unlucky one who end up alone in that dept since it suppose to be 3 included me and started this dept in peak season. One of my friend because of asthma cant do HK and another staff because of arm hurt half way not do HK and end up left me. That time I really felt bored and alone in the dept and I wish time past fast. Plus, second week started peak season where it really busy till almost every day I not back home on time. That time I really felt I look like a maid. Everyday have more than 18 rooms to clean and it is Arab season. I almost going crazy to clean Arab guest room. It really messy and dirty. Some time I felt happy because the moment with the Kakak laugh and complaint it was fun. My third department is kitchen. Another department where I not really like to go for. The moment I been there is not that worse and it better than in Uni, CKO class. there does not have scolding. the people there were nice and I quite enjoyed when I was there. Sometime I found it a bit boring and tough but I still can enjoyed it because the poeple there were friendly. My last department is F&B. At the beginning I felt not enjoy much there because I felt the people there is discriminate trainee. For me, I just don bother much. But in that restaurant I met one friend where I treat her like my sis and she from JB as well. It was so coincidence. In that department also happened something that I really cannot believe and heart broken. I found out my best friend who friend with me since my orientation where I really cherish her as my close friend. I found out she lie to me to get her attention and I felt being used by her. I hate people lying me and she knew it also. I felt I like a fool like that being used and cheat by her word. I really felt heart broken. That time I really not in the mood. Every time see her I thought of myself like a fool and thought of should I believe what she said. End up, I just let it be and I really need time to recover back my friendship with her and it cant be close as before. Anyway, just let it be. My training in F&B was nice after that. Thorough this 5 month training, I really enjoyed it and does not want to be end and really happy. It was a really AWESOME & WONDERFUL training ever for me. I really enjoyed myself. Lucky, the training moment still keep in my mind for me to fresh back.

After that, I started my last sem, SEM 7. Wuhoo, time flies so fast. I know it's the time I have to leave my friend and move to next stage of my life. Just like before I left primary and move to secondary. From secondary move to Uni. This situation it's kind of sad. But life it like that, we have to move on in our life. In life, every stage has its own story. From the story, we started to grow more different way. In this Sem, I really felt tough and I still can manage to cope it. Maybe this sem is the stage for us prepare to move to degree. The thing I worried the most is final exam. I really hope I can pass all sub successfully. but before final it is my cousin wedding and I have to go back. Anyway, I must study hard for final.
GOOD LUCK AUG 09!!
Good Luck Magdeline! I can do it ....

Sunday, March 20, 2011

INTERNSHIP time...!

ARGH...time past so fast..
1 week time left like that...
tomorrow is my internship...
i am so nervous, scare, excited,...
i can say that my feeling right now is scare about it...
cant imagine now is my time to step in to the real hotel industry...
it is a big different from normal sale promoter customer service...
i am really afraid it...
now i can think of the pressure now le..
i wish everything will alright ...
Good luck my friend.....
See you guys after 5 month...
God Bless Me..

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

BYE my course mate and Sem 5

Wow....i finished my Sem 5...
so fast...i still have 2 sem more to go..
then i will be GRADUATE from DIPLOMA...
Yeah...then i will start to figure out my further life..
Can't imaging that the day i start my uni life then now i am going graduate soon...
So my Sem 6 will be my internship, SWE
Amazing right...!
i am still wondering my life in SWE...
although is tough and tired i still must go for it..
it is the time for me to improve myself and growing myself in a different way..
i have to leave my course mate for 5 month, i will miss you all!
this just like we graduate moment, but soon we will face it..
SO LET'S ENJOY MY INTERNSHIP NEXT!
GOOD LUCK MAGDELINE!
nowadays my mood is really bad..
i am sorry , Anton if i scold you or angry you...
but i still love you..
i had nothing to say...
ALL THE BEST FOR MY INTERNSHIP AND MY COURSE MATE! AUG 09 ROCK!
SEE YOU GUYS IN WORKING PLACE IF YOU GUYS SAME WITH ME!
IF THOSE DO NOT SAME WITH ME THEN SEE YOU AFTER 5 MONTH!
LET'S GROW UP FROM THIS INDUSTRY!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Life isn't fair....!!

Why life isn't fair??
why?why?why?
is it because you like that person then she got good mark?
is it because you good with that person then she got good mark?
ARGH!!!it is not fair...i DISAGREE with that!
She really good than me?am i that bad?
i don think so i will lose than her or poor than her....
haiz, how i disagree the fact also couldn't change...
the only thing i can do is i will try my best to study, be myself ....
maybe you got higher mark it show you very smart or what...
in actual you lose something to learn from.
in fact, those who got lower mark can learn from their lesson or mistake and improve next time.
I should no take it too personally. i should think that i will learn something that they will never learn.
Cheer Magdeline...
You can do it!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine?no way...

Valentine day?
first time celebrate valentine with you
end up just like sad valentine and 4 of us together out..
just had dinner then back
what is valentine for it??
argh...sad la..my heart was hurt..
one word describe you, no romantic..
i don know why you will say like that...
do my expectation so high?
haiz...i don know...
fine la...if i know like that, i better stay at home do my things or watch movie..
lazy to continue la..the more i said the more i sad.
anyway Happy Valentine Day for all couples.